Best of Behind Big Brother, Season 08

We already know what a dismal pre-season Behind Big Brother had pedalling their brand. So here's a look back at some of their finer moments during the season.

My Top Ten BBBA moments for 2008 (and believe me, it wasn’t easy whittling this down to just ten):

10. What Network Ten/ESS said:

"...we look forward to (Rima's) decision on whether she will return to the House."

What BBBA said instead, and was forced to retract:

"(Rima)...as such will not be returning to the Big Brother house."

9. Three weeks after an article in The Geelong Advertiser made the rounds, BBBA goes tearing off to secure audio of:

"Live stream watchers have caught Rory speaking about this year’s audition process, stating that he did not audition for the 2008 season."

8. "Rumours are suggesting that everyone’s favourite host Kyle will be entering the house on Sunday - think Gretel in the Mastercard challenge circa season one.

7. BBBA Radio touts an interview with 2DayFM’s newsreader/plant Geoff for weeks, only to have to send someone to drag him out of a restaurant to talk to them on the night. (I still crack up when I think of that one!)

6. Some completely fabricated rubbish the boys were forced to retract after hypnotist Peter Power’s visit:

“When the task was over and done with and the tub was being emptied, Big Brother employees supposedly found a substance that wasn’t beans in the tub.

“David apparently got a little hot under the collar and things got a little... messy.”

5. Even more completely fabricated rubbish they were forced to retract:

“Audience members at FNL have confirmed that they were indeed told too (sic) boo Nobbi, even when he won.”

4. The day after Big Brother himself told us Terri was going back in to The House:

"Inside sources tell us that Terri has gone back into lockdown in NSW - indicating that she will most probably re-enter the house at some point in the very near future. Stay tuned!"

3. The day after one of their forumers found the goods on this year’s Intruders:

"Behindbigbrother.com suggests you take this information with a grain of salt."

2. "...we haven’t heard anything to substantiate rumours that moronic party boy Corey Worthington will have any kind of association with BB. In fact, all we’ve had from inside sources are firm denials."

1.Tara Reid is going into The House!!!


Which brings us to the BBBA Quote of the Year.

Vid on Peter Timbs:

"... I feel as though TV Week just needed to fill some space so they made up some crap."

BBBA's newest "good friend"

After eight solid years of incessant Mike Goldman bashing - including yet another attempt this year to whip up anti-Goldman sentiment - today BBBA has the absolute gall to post this duplicitous smarm after Mikey posted on his blog he may not be involved with the Big Brother finale:

”After eight years of service to the show - including Daily Show narration, Uplate hosting, Friday Night Live hosting, crowd warm-ups and no doubt countless hours behind the scenes, we would have expected Mike would have received some special treatment.”

What boldfaced hypocrites. They trashed Mike at every opportunity and they know it. Next we’ll be hearing how much they’re going to miss Fitzy.

The Deludeanoids* finally come out of the closet

It just gets funnier.

Now Behind Big Brother would have us believe they have exclusive access to Channel Seven's executive boardroom:

"We’re told that executives at the network are extremely interested in negotiating with Southern Star Endemol the possibility of locking in the show for 2009 and/or beyond. The meetings this morning included discussions on the highest possible price the network could bid for the show, potential hosts and producers, possible audience loss/gain and other minor details."

So?? Come on, don't keep us waiting! What's the figure? I mean, surely whoever took notes on the hosts had enough smarts to jot down Seven's dollar value on the program? Wouldn't they?

Even more laughatable:

"The Seven Network and Network Nine both declined to give Behindbigbrother any official comment."

Well, duuuh. What pinhead over there thought they actually would?

Meantime, Seven were speaking to Nine:

"The answer is a flat no," (Channel Seven) network spokesperson Simon Francis said.

"We have no interest whatsoever."

* Deludeanoid: Someone who lives more in their dreams and imagination than in reality.

Insider suicide

Remember this little tantrum just a few months ago? The boys stomping their feet and hollering Hey! NO FAIR! No-fair-no-fair-no-fair-NO-FAIR!

"The WA arm of news.com.au, PerthNow, has broken the standard same-day media embargo and given out details about tomorrow’s three gatecrashers."

Kinda funny, then, when they themselves stumble upon an embargoed press release announcing the end of Big Brother Australia, all that indignant outrage flies out the window:

“… (the) news will be released by Channel Ten at midnight tonight.”

Now despite the hypocrisy of it all, you would think the little tykes would have enough sense to just post the news, sit back, shut up and let everything roll. But no. Someone just had to add one more little bite in an attempt to perpetuate that Super Duper Super Secret Insider myth:

“News filtering through that it could actually be up to two years before a BB revival is made.”

The actual news?

“The show… will be put on the market by the production company Southern Star Endemol after it wraps up on July 21.”

But of course all those potential bidders – if any – were immediately "filtering through" their plans direct to BBBA.

Or not.

Looking really, really stupid, much?

When the end is nigh, begin gathering the Kool-Aid Drinkers

The spin from BBBA's front page today:

"(Pammy) was the celebrity appearance we predicted would make us all cringe.."

Errr, no. You predicted Tara Reid, remember?

BBBA Media Watch

Now just who do you think The Telegraph's Garth Montgomery was talking about when he responded on his blog to some "dubious" Big Brother media conspiratist:

"...if you are one of those gutless, nameless pseudo intellects from that turgid site that takes itself oh-so-seriously and whose name I refuse to utter, then just get stuffed."

Turgid is such a fitting word!!

UPDATE: The boys chuck a right hissy fit when Monty nabs the Big Brother story of the year:

"Our [sarc] good friend [/sarc] Monty at The Daily Telepgraph has run a story..."

Telepgraph?

"The Daily Telegraph...

Aaaaah. Telegraph.

"... (well, Monty’s blog, not quite the news section of the website but hey)...

Heh heh. As reader Maxee87 says, "Bitter much?"

How to look like complete incompetents, BBBA style

Here's how it worked:

Brigitte's Eric makes a post on the Behind Big Brother web site refuting he is her boyfriend.

About ten hours later BBBA finally reprints the post on the front page and gets busy with the process of

"verifying the identity of “Eric”. Stay tuned."

Meanwhile the BBBA faithful dutifully lay into Eric, "pack mentality" style.

And as the boys are busy doing whatever they do to verify a member's identity - writing to Eric's ISP most likely - The Telegraph's Garth Montgomery swoops and grabs the guy. Much to the amusement of forumers:

"Garth "Monty" From Tele falls for possibly fake Eric"

And people call Brigitte clueless.

UPDATE 8:45pm:

The BBBA forums have now deteriorated into a fully fledged character assassination of Eric, with the abuse of a guy who simply rocked up to plead his case allowed to freely flow, unchecked by moderators.

What a disgusting place.

UPDATE:

BBBA's newest "member" Eric has made about 14 civil posts explaining himself. This is just a small sample of the hundreds of posts hurled back at him:

"You're a ****ing douche!"
"....let's just pummel him into the ground"
"Eric gave me herpes..."
"...can only assume your a seller and a user."
"The guys a druggo sleaze"
"I wonder where he earns all his money"
"nah man he is an ekkie dealer!"

All from the users of "Australia's Largest Unofficial Fan Site" and obviously endorsed by its owners through their utter indifference towards reining in the abuse.

I'd certainly sue.

Nup...

Still no fake eviction.

And ya know, I'm seriously beginning to doubt Tara Reid is ever going to show.

Desperate times call for... a SCANDAL!

A devastating exposé from Behind Big Brother last night:

"Minutes before the eviction aired on TV tonight, the official site had already announced that result, telling readers “Bianca Booted!”"

Whole minutes!!

But hey. At least something finally bumped down that tired - yet oh so appropriate - *YAWN* that had dominated BBBA's front page for days.

You know... the one that reveals last week's FNL "task"?

The ego has landed (and crashed and burned)

Little pats on the head were this close to happening today when BBBA's Junior Mod bravely attempted a solo flypast of the Intimidation Tower:

"If you are perma banned and continue to re-register accounts here, you will be reported to your ISP."

Sadly, it all rather fell apart when everyone on BBBA started to laugh and wonder aloud why on earth their ISPs would actually give a shit.

(Thanks to Beejay on Behindbigbrother.net)

Trust us...

Now, see what happens when the boys are yet again reduced to fussing over the latest betting odds and Big Brother ratings, leaving me with nothing to do?

I start flicking through the BBBA 2008 archives and dig up more winners.

Like these:

"The household spa will return to Big Brother in 2008, however be coin operated. Housemates must purchase volumes of time in the spa. This may also possibly happen to the Gym."

Well, there is a spa.

"The prize money will be $500,000 flat."

And some prize money.

"Discussions have begun to host a designated mobile program similar to the Behind Idol program on Telstra mobiles. This may be hosted by Tim (Brunero)."

Did I mention Tim is hosting FNL this year?

"Like previous seasons, there will be a relationship in the house in 2008."

"Another competition of some sort for a viewer to become a HM. Like the Starburst one last year."

And one more real cracker to add to their 2008 Intruders debacle:

"The show will be limited to just four intruders for the series. Each intruder will have a special mission, and be unable to win the overall competition - but win an individual price pool."

On second thought, fussing over those betting odds and ratings results is probably not a bad idea.

"You think we like this job?"

Vid tries to dig himself out of a BBBA forum backlash (see post below) after a hilarious attempt to stir up anti-Mikey sentiment:

"I think you'll find it's hard not to be one-sided when you're on a media blacklist from anything Big Brother related."

Hey, Vid? Delusions of significance aside, I think you'll find you sort of have to be media to get on a "media blacklist".

"We've tried year after year to form some kind of official communications channel with the hosts/producers/anyone involved in the show, and it doesn't work."

Hmmm. Tough one, alright. But I'll take a stab.

Could it maybe have something to do with relentlessly trashing the hosts/producers/anyone involved with the show year after year after year??

Just a wild guess...

Not that there's anything wrong with that

But it's awfully snort-laugh funny finding BBBA, hands planted angrily on their hips and acting all indignant...

"It seems Friday Night live cannot complete a series without making some form of homophobic remark."

... only to discover they still have to credit someone else:

"Thanks to TV Tonight"

UPDATE: Vid isn't getting a lot of support, poor guy.

And now for something completely useless

BBBA’s space waster of the week:

“Big Brother’s expensive flight simulator will make its last voyage to a mystery location in the next two weeks.”

Later:

“We take that back. The voyage won’t be in the next two weeks.”

Perhaps Big Brother is just having difficulties finding someone who knows how to sail a flight simulator.

Well, it’s Wednesday…

So let’s just watch and see how this one pans out, shall we?

Behind Big Brother’s Big News last Saturday:

“Wednesday will be a fake eviction, a HM (most likely Nobbi if he stays) will be fake evicted into “lockdown” until Sunday where it will be a double eviction and then they will be put back into the house to mess with the HM minds.”

UPDATE #1: "Zak" has been sent over with a note from BBBA:

Hey. Blame the person who posted that in our forums, awright?

UPDATE #2: They found an out!!! The Fake Eviction has been moved!! Apparently it's now to take place when Pammy visits the Big Brother house.

Maybe.

"Also that night will be a surprise (and possibly fake) eviction we heard rumours of last week."

Lame, lame, lame.

They'd Know #2

Never a truer pot kettle moment:

From BBBA yesterday:

"In true Orwellian style it seems that questioning the authority on the Big Brother offiicial site forums will see you silenced - permanently."

What, they think they have exclusive rights to that button?

UPDATE #1: And even their own forumers are having a chuckle. The "conspiracy nutters" comment is especially apt.

UPDATE #2: BBBA admin join the debate. The junior one eagerly consults The Moderators' Manual:

"If offends you so much don't read it."

Another overrules and decides more humour is what's needed:

"It takes a hell of a lot to get banned from these forums and we don't even charge for them."

Should someone tell TiGS the OS doesn't really charge people to use their forums?

Nah.

And BBBA's time starts....

Now.

UPDATE #1: 5.30pm and BBBA forumers pick up the scent.

UPDATE #2: 6.09pm and a lot of milling about. Forumers not sure what they are supposed to "think" or what thread they should be using.

UPDATE #3: 6.19pm and mods are onto things!! Threads merged, forumers begging forgiveness for posting out of place.

UPDATE #4: 6.35pm and forumers appear to be forgiven. Whew!

UPDATE #5: 8.55pm and nothing much happening. BBBA forumers show off their Smarts:

Q. "What show and character did don adams play before Get Smart, where he played a similar character to maxwell smart?"

A. "Inspector Gadget"

UPDATE #6: 10.15pm and Would You Believe...

"Producers Get Smart"

"BBBA can confirm the housemates will get to watch the movie next week, with talks taking place to secure Steve Carell."

FINAL UPDATE: Seven hours all up, no source supplied.

From the "Whatever Happened To..." file

Behind Big Brother, last week:

"Rumours are suggesting that everyone’s favourite host Kyle will be entering the house on Sunday - think Gretel in the Mastercard challenge circa season one.

Think at this stage of the race if BBBA were a horse, you'd shoot it.

Biting the hand that feeds them

Just when you thought BBBA couldn’t jack the yawn factor any higher… they do.

Now, you’d think the boys would be grateful Network Ten gave their front page something to do. I mean, relaunching an entire website with hopes of becoming Australia’s Largest Unofficial Big Brother TV/Form Guide is a daring move and tough at the best of times. But no.

An extra ten minutes! today’s lead story storms.

"Never ending schedule changes continue"

It's like they almost resent having to do some work. Still, they did manage to squeeze an incredible 120 words out of those eternal ten minutes, even going so far as to bravely suggest,

“(they) could simply be to avoid any scheduling problems and last minute changes if it runs over the usual 60 minute slot.”

Wow. Ya think?

BBBA's "Secret Sex Orgy" finally explained

Baffled BBBA forumers didn't get the "joke" so Will thought he better explain things:

"We're waiting for one of the gossip sites to pick it up as actual news."

Poor fellas. Someone break it to them gently that they're now the brunt of gossip sites?

A vicious, calculated effort to shut me up

Here’s all the jaw-dropping goss those madcap, no-holds-barred Behind Big Brotherers offered up for the first half of June:

Lasseters’ odds
Big Brother UK
A “stupid rumour” about Tara Reid entering the house. Yep, another one
More Big Brother UK
A passionately biased opinion piece from Nobbi-lobbier Will
A completely fictitious beat-up about the FNL audience ordered to boo Nobbi
All reference to that contrived booing edited out of Will’s passion plea
A reprint of Media Spy’s rating report
More ratings
More Lasseters’ odds
What everyone heard all week – Big Brother Prize To Be Revealed On Sunday!!
What’s in the TV guide
More of what’s in the TV guide
More ratings lifted from Media Spy
Rehashed Herald Sun and Sunday Telegraph articles on Gretel and Kyle

Oh, and the odd rotation of meaningless Big Brother Live Stream screen caps.

Positively whelming, eh?

BBBA Media Watch

Hey! Look who's making the news!

First Mikey G takes a dig at Vibes & co on the Courier Mail website on Monday, "... Tara Reid going into the Big Brother house story was just another stupid rumor."

Then just a day later the Daily Telegraph's Garth Montgomery sticks it to Behind Big Brother following their claims that Nobbi had abused Ollie, summing things up perfectly as a smear campaign.


So... Where's the usual hyperventilating and We Got Mentioned!!! We Got MENTIONED!!!!! I mean, any publicity is good publicity, isn't it, guys?

The weird-o-rama just goes on and on

What happens when you go away for four days? Stupid stuff like this:

From BBBA: “Audience members at FNL have confirmed that they were indeed told too (sic) boo Nobbi, even when he won.”

Of course “audience members” confirmed nothing. There wasn’t even a story to confirm until a random thread, created by a BBBA forumer, popped up insisting “friends” were right there and they saw, first-hand, Big Brother employees themselves hand down a BOO NOW directive at any mention of Nobbi’s name.

And it all gets woefully predictable from this point on.

Yep. In the trigger-happy tabloid style Behind Big Brother aspires to aspire to, the above mentioned random post was duly pounced upon and sensationally shoved onto the front page.

Well, for a little while, anyway. Soon after:

“Conflicting reports are coming in on the wake of news that audience members of last night’s Friday Night Live show were encouraged to boo for Nobbi.”

How bout that “Live Breaking News” voice in the update, eh? Reports are coming in!! Actually, what was coming in was a thread full of BBBA users hollering “Bullshit”.

Cue the damage control team – think Alvin and the Chipmunks, here – who snuck that retraction in and made sure the word “rumour” (that idea suggested by one of the more savvy BBBA members) was hastily attached to the wild front-page claims of manipulated Nobbi booing.

And how do they eventually wrangle their way out of this mess? In typical fashion, really. Give everyone the finger, lock the now offensive thread and shut down all discussion:

So we were wrong. Bite us.

(Thanks to Leaper)

Blog break

Off on a short holiday. Kinda like the way BBBA has been all week. Which naturally segues (isn't it cute when someone picks up a new word and then tries to work it into every possible situation?) into...

Um, guys? It's a bit silly, isn't it, realising your mistake and frantically sticking up a new Mike For Host poll on the front page a day after the story? It's not like anyone's coming back. It's what known in the trade as yesterday's news.

Oh hang on. That's what you d... nevermind.

Ignoring the Obviously Redundant

Add NineMSN to the list of media outlets who won't touch BBBA.

In an article today supporting Mikey to take over Kyle's Eviction Night hosting role, NineMSN rang Timmy for his comments, quoted TV Junior's blog, reprinted forum comments from the Official Site - the Official Site again!- and got Mikey's take from his blog.

What did BBBA get? A passing mention of the results of a poll on their forums. And not even a poll the "We're Watching" boys had the insight themselves to set up. Nup. It took a bored forumer to take that initiative.

There's a lesson here, guys.

Polls. Stick to polls. That way you've only got a + or - 3% chance of getting it all wrong.

As opposed to all the time.

Idiots Killed The Radio Star

Highlights from tonight’s BBBA Radio thread.

Dave: As usual, we'll be coming to you from 7.30pm. And, as is becoming a regular “occurance,” we've got a special ex housemate on the show tonight. Considering we've got intruders entering on Sunday night, we decided to hear from an intruder this week... Let the guessing game begin

(One kid can’t stay, has to study for their maths test; "Goffy" is waiting intently.)

6.43pm: Will: Some idiot revealed the guest on the homepage

7.27pm: An excited kid, who obviously doesn't have a maths test, starts a countdown: “3 mins left, i can't wait”

7.31pm: Same excited kid: YAY they are back on the air :P

7.37pm: Dave tries to grab some listeners: indeed we are weekly recap atm, not too late to tune in!

7.45pm: Dissatisfied listener: Hi, I am trying to tune in but the dial up streams are not working for me. The broadband streams seem to work, however because my broadband is currently shaped they dont work properly (cutting out every few seconds to load). Whenever I try and load the dial streams, it says "connecting to media...opening media...Ready" and stops there.

7.51pm: Dave apologises.

7.59pm: Excited kid has no idea who the guest was.

8.01pm: Dave: Worst interview ever.

8.17pm: Markie Mark: Wow! What a horrible interview

8.30pm: Excited kid: noooooooo don't go yet

(SHUT UP, Excited Kid. Let them go!!)

9.25pm: TiGS admits to being the idiot, promises another "mystery guest" next week.

9.27pm: The Kid Who Was Supposed To Be Studying Maths: darren was boring you should get your money back

I'm with you, Maths Kid. But how do the three other listeners get their hour back?

About them Intruders

Only BBBA could make a complete dog's breakfast out of a Big Brother tradition.

Let's go back to April 16 where it all began:

And another thing…

“BBBA’s “ever reliable” team of insiders have let something else slip - there are no plans for any “Intruders” this year. “ (Their bold, not mine.)

This gets backed up with claims there will be 18 housemates (remember, they were still in Corey denial at this stage so got no idea who that 18th was supposed to be), no evictions for a month, no midweek specials, and possible (or not) second houses.

Possible (or not)? Just think of it as BBBA-speak for “that just makes us sound like idiots”.

But things have a way of getting “messy” when you’re in the Big Brother Secret Insider business. A week later and Intruders are go!

”It wouldn’t be an Australian series of Big Brother without intruders… and BBBA has had it confirmed by “very reliable” sources that Big Brother 2008 will not be any different.”

Now, you can just imagine there’s a fair amount of tension brewing between Ever Reliable Insider and Very Reliable Insider by this time. But Ever Reliable backs down, cleverly employing her BBBA If We’re Wrong It’s Because We Were Right philosophy.

Think back to the sadly ignored We Got Mentioned!!! thread. That’s the one BBBA forumers were encouraged to play in while staff frantically ran around trying to find audio of two Housemates mentioning the “Inside Big Brother” website and how they read there that there are No Plans For Intruders. Here’s how it played out on BBBA:

BBBA lamb: "So do you reckon the BB producers will put Intruders in now, just to discredit BBBA?"

Ever Reliable Insider: “I'd put money on it."

Forget the fact Mike Goldman had already confirmed as much on his Weekly Chat earlier the same day when he said, “Intruders for sure, every year”.

A couple days go by and calm has been restored, the Insider Wars have been fought and lost, and on May 23 BBBA are out-of-the-bluely handed the list of potential Intruders. But how do they react?

Sorry, all of our Insider positions are currently filled and

"Behindbigbrother.com suggests you take this information with a grain of salt."

Advice which unsurpisingly had to quickly be removed to pave the way for the new headline: INTUDERS CONFIRMED!

You almost feel sorry for them.

BBBA Quote of the Year

Vid on Peter Timbs:

"... I feel as though TV Week just needed to fill some space so they made up some crap."

He'd know.

The fall and fall of BBBA

How do you know your website has completely disappeared off the radar?

When even ol' pals News Ltd look to Facebook and the Official Site forum users as the definitive sources for Big Brother fan opinion. The Official Site!

Geez, that after all those free news.com.au plugs this year?

Bitches.

If it's hard-hitting and it's news, we'll get it. Sooner or later

Great to see things are finally improving over at BBBA.

After flooring us only days ago with the three-week-old scandal that Rory didn't audition for Big Brother, here we are barely back on our feet and KABAAM! Off come the socks again!

From BBBA yesterday:

Rima set to sue producers?

"Jackie O has suggested in an interview with SAFM that if Rima comes face to face with Big Brother again, it may be in a court room rather than the Diary Room."

They even got a quote!! From Jackie herself!!

“We think she’s going to sue us instead, Last time we spoke to her, she was itching to come back on the show but the family has got into her.”

Course it's all lifted from an Adelaide Advertiser story dated May 19th but hey. At least it's only nine-day-old news this time.

Keep up the good work, guys!

From the “I couldn’t make this stuff up” file

I think we’re far enough into this season to revisit some of BBBA’s wilder claims of what's up this year:

“Uplate’s uninterrupted feed will feature phone games during the broadcast. Digital viewers will have the choice to listen to the house feed or the studio feed (similar to the sporting channels on Foxtel).”

Did we mention Nikki Osborne is hosting Uplate this year??

See if you can follow this one:

“Nomination Night: "The Gamble". A new part of nominations will be introduced on Monday Nights called 'The Gamble'. Housemates can choose to play 'The Gamble' which involves:
If the housemate can pick the three least popular housemates in the house, from the previous nation vote, in order - the will be free from eviction.
If the housemate incorrectly picks the three least popular housemates or mixes the order, they will automatically be put up for nomination.
Footage of 'The Gamble' can be viewed optionally by the other housemates.”

More on Monday’s nominations:

“(The) Nomination show may not be a 'hosted' program, but run like the daily show with a voice over. The Monday daily show would be extended for Nominations each week. All nominations will be pre-recorded.”

The Friday Night Live White Room:

“The loser of (FNL) will be put into an empty room for 24 hours - similar to the 'Survivor' Exile Island. This room includes a television with footage of who each of the housemates voted for.”

New and Exciting!! punishments:

“Housemates who forget to wear their microphones will be punished in a new exciting way, stay tuned.”

Stay tuned for… how much longer?

And my personal favourite:

”Talks are in place with the 'Facebook'. Each housemate would have a Facebook account, and could have up to one hour a week to blog and communicate with fans from the house. Of course, comments would be screened. Housemates for the first time would be encouraged 'promote' themself to win the competition.”

Doesn’t really have you queuing up for lottery numbers does it?

And once we own 'em, we start to play with 'em.

Easily the most entertaining part of BB08 has been watching the big guys blatantly toy with Behind Big Brother.

And like a nail to a coffin, BBBA just can't resist jumping on everything they are fed. Even if it is done to make them look like complete dopes.

Apaaaaaaarently a high-profile and world renowned hypnotist would put his reputation on the line just to sexually exploit the Australian Big Brother Housemates.

From BBBA:

"Word is that Nobbi and Dave were hypnotised to believe they were playboy models, fondling around with each other in a tub full of beans. Rory had been hypnotised to believe that he was their photographer. When the task was over and done with and the tub was being emptied, Big Brother employees supposedly found a substance that wasn’t beans in the tub."

No explanation about how that "substance" was isolated and identified in all them beans, but I spect the "Big Brother employees" knew that wouldn't really worry BBBA.

It gets better.

"We’re told David was hypnotised to believe that a lollipop Alice was licking was his genitals. David apparently got a little hot under the collar and things got a little... messy. Alice then bit the lollipop and David fell of (we'll assume they mean off) his chair in pain."

What, more "messy" stuff spilled all over the House? Geez, this is one weirdo hypnotist, that's for shore.

Haha. It's like watching a cat tossing around a half dead mouse.

UPDATE: How bout that. Looks like BBBA have had to retract all that messy stuff.

Too funny!

Insert Eddie McGuire joke here

Hardly able to keep their hands from waving all about, BBBA has gotten all giddy and back-thumping about hitting 1,000,000 posts.

So let's break this down.

We'll assume they started up about this time in 2001. That gives them seven years on-line, which gives us 2555 days - give or take that leap year thing. 2555 days is 61,320 hours.

Divide that by a million and wow! A whopping 16.3 posts an hour.

Talk about putting the Origami Treasure Trove forums under pressure!

Should I mention here that on current trends, the Official Site should hit 2 million posts before this series starts and ends?

Nah.

Zer vill be nein Intruters! (UPDATED)

Yesterday on BBBA's forums someone posted a list of possible Big Brother Intruders that a survey company has sent out for assessment.

Today BBBA finally acknowledged the thread, grudgingly slapped it up there on the front page, (I suppose anything's better than the current black hole) but is sticking firm to their LISTEN, THERE ARE NO INTRUDERS THIS YEAR guns:

"Behindbigbrother.com suggests you take this information with a grain of salt."

Um, like we don't already do that with everything BBBA says??

UPDATE, Sunday night.

So now we ARE supposed to take this information seriously. This whole Intruders thing is getting awfully embarrassing, eh, guys.


(More on that tomorrow.)

Ok, so it was news to us (and dammit, we're sticking with it!)

No more lame What's on BBBA Radio Last Week, forum round-ups and Lasseters freebies this week. Uh-uh. Those "eagle-eyed" news hounds over at BBBA have finally got their hands on something.


Rory didn’t audition
Received a call out of the blue

"Live stream watchers have caught Rory speaking about this year’s audition process, stating that he did not audition for the 2008 season."

Can't you just hear the exclamation marks and the sheer indignance?? They then tear off to secure precious audio of the damning evidence and warn us to Stay Tuned!!

Someone shoulda read the Geelong Advertiser on April 29 where a friend of Rory's openly admitted:

"He didn't actually audition for this series, they just called him up and asked him to be a housemate," Mr McInerney said."

With it, much?


UPDATE: Hours later us outsiders are getting frantic. Where is this damaging audio?? Where??

BBBA forum users, on the other hand, remain composed:

"Yawn. This story was in the news weeks ago (as has been mentioned by other posters in this thread) so why is it headline news on BBBA's home page????"

UPDATE #2: Five hours later the deeply incriminating audio has been whisked onto BBBA's front page and... pretty much confirms what was said three weeks ago.

The BBBA Top Ten #2

Whatever happened to...

10. Celebrity forum poster Susannah?

9. And Thomas?

8. Where'd Geoff go?

7. Anyone seen Brainle.. sorry, "Doublethink"?

6. Where's quote "Good friend of Behind Big Brother, Tim Brunero" unquote? He was promised....

5. But then so was Nikki Osborne.

4. Where's that nifty "BBBA Radio has 0 listeners" thingo from last year? (Actually, losing that is probably a good idea, eh.)

3. When are those SYTYCD judges due again?

2. Whatever happened to podcasts?

And the number one whatever-happened-to question?

1. Whatever happened to BBBA's balls?

We'll have what he's having

In a vivid When Harry Met Sally moment on BBBA Radio this week, moderator "Will" discovers a whole heap of adjectives that in previous years would have caused a site-wide meltdown. Just feel the momentum build in this verbal orgasm:

"Not that bad; traditional; entertaining; quite happy, that show is fantastic; what a true eviction interview should be; excellent; great; the right stuff; stuff that's interesting; revealing; our housemates; funny shit; all time best; didn't bother me; didn't infringe; rated well; won it's timeslot easily; panders well; fun Friday night viewing; STICKING TO THE CORE IDEAS OF THE SHOW! COMPLETELY ENGAGING!!"

Haha. Officially. Love. It.

Bizarre, pointless and convoluted

Monday night.

In a desperate bid (apologies for stealing their favourite line) to counter talk they've just plain flatlined this year, BBBA finally (and oh so carefully) hands down their verdict on Sunday night's eviction show.

Notice how they try to sound cranky but skillfully avoid the words "Kyle", "Jackie" and "Producers":

"The first Live Eviction for 2008 followed a very different format to previous years."

Yeah, we know. We watched.

"Traditionally the first half-hour of the program would be used for catching up with the nominees and their families, followed by the eviction announcement just after 8.00pm and about half an hour with the evictee on the stage."

This would be for BB fans who have been locked in a basement all their lives.

"This year, the first hour of the program was all about the Housemate voting and the setup of the eviction, which no longer climaxed with an announcement from the hosts and instead saw the nominees stepping into a bizarre and largely pointless revolving door."

Yeah, we know. We watched.

"By the time Saxon finally reached the stage at the end of this convoluted process, there was only a short time left for his interview with the hosts."

Yeah, we know. We have clocks.


It's no wonder the BBBA faithful is wandering around aimlessly, wondering what they are supposed to think.

So You Think You Can Dance Any Faster?

Forget the fact the "party" boy had been hyped for a solid week before arriving in the Big Brother House - the same night as the "web cult housemates" arrived - just enjoy watching Behind Big Brother tripping all over their own feet today.


From BBBA:

Day 12. First it was Party Boy Corey, then the So You Think You Can Dance Judges, then the most popular web cult housemates...

When asked on their forums today about them SYTYCD judges, who were obviously so light on their feet themselves that no one saw them, BBBA replies:

As I understand it (from insider sources etc) last week's task was originally meant to be a dance-related thing, which I suppose they were going to get the SYTYCD judges in for. They must have dropped that at the last moment for the party task.

Party task starts on Day 8... Day 12 news...

The genius over there is whelming.

Favourites scratched

Looks like neither SportingBet or Centrebet fell for BBBA's free plug last week. (Yeah, okay, so they didn't even notice.)

So it's a broad-daylight finger to those two and a hats-in-hands moment as the boys trudge back to Lasseters for their Housemate odds this week.

But with only two links to Lasseters on the page and no sign of a scrolly scroll thing, we'll assume everything's just in the ink-to-dry phase?

UPDATE: Scrolly scroll thing is back! And with a flashy logo!

(I want my finders' fee from that $1.23 a week!)

Course the thing moves way too fast for the average BBBA reader.

The much touted BBBA Radio "Geoff" Interview

8.30pm.

Waiting.

Music.

Seems Geoff is missing.

Music.

Seems Geoff gave them his sister's phone number.

Music.

Someone's gone to search for Geoff.

Music.

Geoff has been found. He's being dragged out of a restaurant.

Music

9.20pm: Interview finally gets underway:

"What's it like being married?!"
"Wow - You get to meet CELEBRITIES!!"
"How cool is Kyle?!!"
"How hot is Jackie?!!"

Forumers questions:

Why does your show make fun of you?
How great is the Kyle and Jackie O show!!?
Why can't we see the housemates naked anymore?
Rima stuff.

Geoff takes over the interview, tells Shane what a great change this year is.

Shane stutters around for a while.

Shane attempts a top five thing. Favourite colour??

Stilted goodbyes.

Geoff hangs up the phone, heads back to the restaurant and, like the rest of us, cracks up!

The owning of BBBA

How much fun is it watching BBBA play straight into Big Brother's hands.

The manipulation really got underway with the arrival of Geoff - Kyle and Jackie's newsreader. Geoff drops by the BBBA forums a couple times each day to leave some food for thought on the show and its hosts.

Geoff's pretty clever. Early in the piece he mentioned BBBA on-air and BINGO. That site was cleaned up faster than you can yell 'MUMMY'S HOME'.

The Kyle whips were frantically stashed, anti-Kyle types were evicted, the devil horns scrawled on his head last year were photoshopped out and isn't he just the bestest host EVER!

Before Geoff there was Susannah, Thomas and Nick from BB07. I must admit, I felt a teensy bit sad for those three when they were suddenly and unceremoniously dumped as resident BBBA celebs in favour of Geoff. Still, they can hold their heads high. Vibes and co now understand that BB07's Housemates weren't that "horrendously drab" afterall. They were the bestest housemates EVER!

But let's not allow Geoff to get too comfy, here. After watching BBBA members during Mike Goldman's live chat today repeatedly (and rather embarrassingly) beg him to come play on their forum, it seems they tire easily. You could just hear them chanting: DOWN WITH GEOFF! WE WANT MIKE!

And of course Big Brother is going to let Mikey play with BBBA.

They've done so well with Geoff, so why not?

The BBBA Top Ten #1

Inspired by their current state of sheer humdrumity.


This week, the BBBA top ten most overused phrases.


10. Details are sketchy

9. BBBA can confirm...

8. ... cancel that rumour.

7. Eagle-eyed

6. Inside sources

5. Reliable sources

4. Ever watchful inside sources

3. Good friend of Behind Big Brother, Tim Brunero

2. Currently undergoing maintenance

And the Number One most overused phrase on BBBA...

1. news.com.au

Journalism 101, BBBA-style: Grab the story, insult your source

How do BBBA react to the mainstream gossip columns getting the early goods on the House? (Oh, no. Not again, guys??)

They suddenly get all principled about rules and stuff, and even invent something called a "standard same-day media embargo".

From BBBA yesterday:

"The WA arm of news.com.au, PerthNow, has broken the standard same-day media embargo and given out details about tomorrow’s three gatecrashers."

We'll leave that 'arm' thing alone and get on with a couple of basic lessons, okay boys?

An embargoed release is a press release or announcement that is shared with the media in advance of its publishing date. This can be one hour, four hours, 12 hours, three days, one week, two weeks... pick any timeframe you like. There is no such thing as a "standard same-day media embargo".

Lesson number two.

Regardless of how long you must have positively agonised over whether to run with this - appaaaaarently - duplicitous and ill-gotten story, you don't whack in a few Wiki bits and then try and pass it off as your own by saying:

"Please link back to this site when using this info!"

It's just a jump to the left

For some odd reason, BBBA's latest 'rumour' - Corey's Big Fat Paycheck - time warps us back to a News Ltd story everyone read oh, I dunno April 22?

The Behind in their name becomes clearer by the minute.

Twisting it their way

Yet again beaten to the punch and obviously sulking over having to reprint real Big Brother news sources, BBBA takes it upon themselves to change the most important fact after getting hold of the info.

Here's what Channel Ten/ESS said today regarding Housemate Rima's future on the show after her fall on last night's FNL:

"...we look forward to (Rima's) decision on whether she will return to the House."

Here's what BBBA said instead:

"(Rima)...as such will not be returning to the Big Brother house."

I'm still deciding which word best describes this. Arrogance or outright deceitfulness.

UPDATE:

Lookie here! BBBA has now retracted that gross manipulation of Ten/ESS's words and replaced it with this:

"The statement issued by Ten did however state “we look forward to her decision on whether she will return to the House,” hinting she could be back at a later date."

Just an aside, why is it BBBA thinks Big Brother is always hinting at something?

BBBA slaps their cards on the table and goes all-in.

UPDATED

I don't even need to introduce this farce.

From BBBA today at 1.47pm.

"Inside sources tell us that Terri has gone back into lockdown in NSW - indicating that she will most probably re-enter the house at some point in the very near future."

Inside sources, even!

Once "eagle-eyed" forumers gently pointed out to Vid that this was all quite calmly spelled out in not overly big words on yesterday's daily show, the screaming front page headline was hastily spiked.

The "news" item in full:

Terri to return?

She's back in lockdown!The conservative Grandmother was one of the biggest draw-card housemates for this season, after her details and video packages were shown as part of the pre-season media campaign.

Although Big Brother stated that the eviction was "not a fake eviction," fans suspect that the producers don’t want to lose her so soon into the series.

And you've GOT to love the last line:

"More info as it comes to hand."

Seriously guys, you really do need to change that "We're Watching" catchline cause we're just laughing. Real hard!

UPDATE:

Fiercely trying to shake that 'yesterday's news' reputation, Vid spends his Saturday looking for today's edition of something called the "Sunday Morning Herald"

The Crash of '08

See what happens when you brazenly toss that BBBA Are Dummies Guide in the bin?

"Our forums are currently undergoing maintenance and will be back shortly!"

Shuuuure they are.

(The happy litte exclamation mark at the end, we suppose, is meant to be encouraging.)

Take THAT, mean ol' ex-sponsor!

You'll remember how chuffed Vibes and co were last year to finally score a "sponsor" for their website. If you looked real close you could see it - a teeny Housemates' odds scroll from Lasseters Sportsbook, who had such use for Behind Big Brother that they bothered to update those odds at best every two weeks.

And did BBBA plug the hell out of those guys? You bet they did, sometimes linking to the site as many three times a paragraph in the dozens of front-page puff pieces written to generate those slippery click-through pennies.

Fast forward to 2008 and what? No Lasseters ad? Not only no ad but with out-and-out hissy-fitty, we-don't-like-you-anymore defiance, Lasseters is duly snubbed in favour of SportingBet and Centrebet's Housemates' odds on today's paralysingly dull front page.

Yeah, you tell em, guys.

The BBBA-Dummies' Guide for withstanding a tsunami of 500 users

Settings

Confidence in the new server: OFF
New members: OFF
Avatars: OFF
Who's on: OFF
Option to post in more than one thread: OFF

Keep it that way for at least 48 hours (to reinforce just how stressful this has been) and then remind everyone you may have to remain operating at the bare sticks while you wait for the er "deluge" to subside.

RRP: Priceless.

Department of Misinformation working overtime

Today BBBA forever dismisses from the public consciousness any idea that they have a clue.

Then:

"BBBA’s ever reliable team of insiders have let something else slip - there are no plans for any “Intruders” this year."

Now:

Intruders are go

"It wouldn’t be an Australian series of Big Brother without intruders… and BBBA has had it confirmed by very reliable sources that Big Brother 2008 will not be any different."

Can we backflip any more? Yes we can!

Then:

"...one housemate will be evicted in the first night."

Now:

"TEN is billing Sun May 11 as BB's first eviction."

Time to cut the rope and let the boat go? I think so!

How'd that rumour bar get so darned high?

Boldly going nowhere, BBBA staggers today's readers with the "awesome" news that Bree was on 9am this morning and, wait for it, there's a tree!! A TREE!! In the Big Brother yard!! They kid you not.

Can't you just hear presses across the country screeeeeching to a halt??

Thanks for all the fish, but so long

Even the most gullible BBBA reader is going to recognise this as the gushing, ego manipulation that it so blatantly is.

The background:

BBBA forum user Dannyboy kindly handed over an early release of Ten's Big Brother programming schedule, which had Big Mouth slotted into Tuesday at 9.30pm. BBBA eagerly grabbed it and ran. Today Dannyboy generously gets back to them with an updated schedule that shows Ten has shifted Big Mouth into the Monday 9.30pm slot.

The treatment:

"Big Brother’s new weekly chat show... Big Brother’s Big Mouth, will up end screening on a Monday night after all. You may remember early last month when our resident insider gave us the heads up that a new Monday night show was in the works; turns out Dramaqueen was right all along with the scheduled night."

Could they be any more condescending towards the obviously now second-rate users they had to rely on in the past for information?

I don't think so.

So uh, which is it, guys?

The crack team at BBBA is certainly showcasing their brilliance today.

From BBBA:

"Despite persistence from some media outlets..."

Yeah, like just about EVERY media outlet today.

"...we haven’t heard anything to substantiate rumours that moronic party boy Corey Worthington will have any kind of association with BB. In fact, all we’ve had from inside sources are firm denials."

Followed by Saint Insider on the BBBA forums firmly denying it:

"He WON'T be a housemate, rather a houseguest"

Houseguest sure sounds like some kind of association.

Followed by a hasty BBBA front page update:

"And if I turn out to be wrong..."

Does that site make an effort to beclown itself, or does it just come natually?

A philosophy is born: If we're wrong it's because we were right.

Here's how to cover your butt, so to speak, when you get it all wrong - imply it's because you have that much influence over the direction of Big Brother.

From BBBA yesterday:

"BBBA’s ever watchful insiders have confirmed that 14 housemates will enter the house on opening night, with an additional four entering in the first week."

Followed up in the BBBA forums by the hallowed "watchful insider":

"Sources are not happy about our front page article, so I'm guessing the number of entering HM's will change before opening night anyway."

Yep, they'd rip it all up and start again. Really. They would.

Sad thing is there's a few sheep who actually buy this twaddle. Sadder still is the disseminators themselves even seem to buy it. Ok, ok, that part's not sad at all. It's hilarious.

Oh, and just a quick question, here... The sources are 'unhappy' they made it into print? Isn't that like, the whole point of sources?

UPDATE:

Look out, KFC. It's not just Big Brother that BBBA believes they have under their thumb. Now Three Mobile has apparently been forced to switch tack because of their stealthy undercover work.

Thirsty for more of Three's super-duper classified material (remember how excited BBBA got over a couple of blue squares saying "pack" and "premium pack"?) from the site every mobile-carrying Big Brother fan and their dog have been watching for weeks, they dug deeper. Right to the front page of three.com.au where they found details of a BB competition.

We've got no idea why there should be anything sinister about Three updating their website but

"Three have now removed the original link after it was spotted by eagle-eyed BBBA forumers"

Delusions of adequacy? I think so.

Things we know now that we didn't know we knew then.

This on BBBA today:

Series length confirmed

"Several previously unknown details have come from the discovery of BB08 images on Three’s Intranet by two of our forum users."

Confirming themselves this rash announcement in November

- Definitely TWELVE weeks. Not ten

was the usual BBBA unfounded stab in the dark.

And these "interestingly" numbered graphics are all the proof they need. Maybe.

"This most probably confirms that this season will only be 84 days long."

Only? For those of us who can do our seven-times tables, 84 days sure seems a solid two weeks longer than the 70-day Big Brother '08 season BBBA was adamant about previous to their not knowing they didn't know they knew it was 12 weeks:

The series will only run for 10 weeks, due to 'So you think you can dance: The Australian version

The duration of Big Brother will be 10 weeks

These guys have a clue? I don't think so!

Feeding time at the monkey house

UPDATE:

BBBA's "insider" thinks we're funny and promises to "push the boundaries". See comments.


This week BBBA most generously announced it was "feeding time" for their secret insider info-starved lackeys.

They start out by saying they've had a few things "confirmed once again". Confirmed once again? What does that mean, anyway? Is it like, putting their imagined stamp of approval on what more credible websites than theirs have been saying? Things that sound nothing like these screamers:

From BBBA:

"Up-Late will be renamed to 'Big Brother LIVE!' and will feature an uninterrupted feed from the house at all times through a split screen.

"Nikki Osborne (known best for hosting Quizmania and appearing on The Nation with Mick Moley) is expected to be the new host of Up-Late."

We'll assume they're still waiting on someone with a clue to "confirm once again" these few things:

"Friday Night Live will be hosted by Bree Amer, Ryan Fitzgerald and former Big Brother housemate Tim Brunero.

"Mike Goldman has not been offered a contract for the 2008 season of Big Brother."

That new-for-08 blahblahblahwhateverwhocares disclaimer is sure going to come in handy this year, hey. You should just see my stash of this stuff!

So if Tim's such a 'good friend'...

Why wouldn't BBBA have believed the media outlet Tim Brunero writes for, LIVENEWS.com.au, when that site announced last week both the Tuesday, 9.30pm timeslot and the start date for the new Big Brother panel show, Big Mouth?

From BBBA today:

Big Brother’s Big Mouth, a new concept for Big Brother 2008, has secured the Tuesday 9:30pm slot according to eBroadcast.

.... with regular panelists including BB05 runner-up and friend of BBBA Tim Brunero...

That was followed up with another air-kissy cheers to eBroadcast (whoever they are) and a nod to the obligatory 'forum member' who found the recently regurgitated news.

So, nup. No credit to LIVENEWS.com.au who wrote on April 2, complete with plenty of our-friend-Tim quotes to be lifted,

The new show, to be hosted by Tony Squires and Rebecca Wilson, breakfast hosts on Sydney radio station Vega 95.3, will air on Tuesdays at 9.30pm.

... nada word.

Couldn't find a grand piano in a one-roomed house.

You really gotta feel for poor "bbspi". Obviously keen for some early feedback on this year's first Big Brother advert, they posted a copy of the short segment on YouTube.

That was way back on March 30. By April 2 those uber alert bumblers over at BBBA still hadn't found it. In the end, with the Channel Ten BB forum out of action, it took a brand spanking new member - one who signed up that very day - to physically drop it in their laps.

Or as Behind Big Brother prefers to say "discovered by a BBBA member".

Let's hope their new motto is considerably more accurate than "We're Watching".

It is the absolute intent... intent... Um, has anyone here done law?

Year after year BBBA fires off piles of outraged emails pouting "make this stop or I will pursue matters further" in an attempt to intimidate not the competitors and critics of BBBA themselves, but the host of the material. What we call scaredy cat tactics rather than scare tactics. You know, too wussy to take on the authors so try and cut off their supply instead. It's trademark BBBA legalthink.

Now, I wouldn't dare suggest this name-withheld stab at shutting down the fan site Behindbigbrother.net, forwarded by the hosting yforum administrator, is in any way connected to BBBA just because it's nearly word for word to those failed firey emails aimed to shut me up. Just sayin'...

Update:

Well you could knock me over with a Julian Clarey tutu. And now we know the real gripe behind the name-no-longer-withheld stab above: sneaky multiple-page threads!

Hit the link again.

April FOOLS indeed.

Someone ought to let them know over at BBBA that April Fool's jokes only work if they are funny or clever. This one is neither and sets the "lame" meter at somewhere between just plain stupid and outright cringeworthy.

Vibes sets the 'gag' up with a Big Brother auditionee named "Rick" who has recorded video footage of the audition process on his mobile phone.

"The video shows some of the group interviews and strenuous activities producers make potential housemates go through for a spot in the house."

It links to a YouTube clip of Rick Astley singing "Never gonna give you up".

Side-splitting, eh.

Update

Thanks to commenter "anon" for explaining that dud. Nerdy gamesters and squinty-eyed porn freaks of course got it in one.

Beam us up, Scotty

Readers of this blog will remember that last year we seriously questioned BBBA's bizarre boast of 19,000 members.

Throughout the 2007 year Vibes and co stubbornly defended that stat, insisting that a regular "purge" is carried out and there are indeed no redundant users. None.

So what I want to know is, what happened between last July and March of this year? Where did an entire town of 11,000 "members" go during the off season?

And what is to become of the remaining 8000 inactive, er "members"?

Yes, Virginia, there is an alternative

If the pre-season of Big Brother 2008 is anything to go by we can expect more than the usual dumpster of nastiness from the boys at BBBA.

The story so far: The fan site Big Brother Chaos is back this year with a newly launched Big Brother forum. It immediately came under sniper fire from both BBBA admin and aghast BBBA forumers (how dare they open a forum!). That assault continued for a week or so until Vibes and co discovered they had yet more competition. The troops were yanked out of Chaos and a precision aim set on Behindbigbrother.net .

Behindbigbrother.net (note the .net) is the brainchild of two victims of the broadbanned, our-way-or-the-doorway fist at BBBA. It is a new fan site and alternative forum that

...evolved from a need for a liberal and tolerant environment for forum contributors who are in interested in Big Brother... We aim to provide a forum which allows you freedom to express yourself without fear of reprisal from admin and moderators.

And good on them, too.

But no one could have imagined the sheer force that would be employed by the monopoly-mad mental midgets. BBBA admin - admin - arrived at BBB.net en masse armed with spam, vile, vile pornography, wild accusations, and coersion and threats to BBBA members who joined the site. Vibes and co became so desperate to stop any word of BBB.net they actually stooped to censoring on their site the words "behindbigbrother.net" - even within their members' personal messaging system. Read the whole story here .

I wish all success to the two new Big Brother 08 fan sites and encourage everyone to support them. Regimes are just so last year.

And Vibes? Welcome to the machine!

Watch this space

I'll be back for BB08 louder than ever sticking it to those guys!